I Think I Love You
by Unread-Letters
Summary: Lily Potter reflects on the one she loves.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the plot, that's all mine. Everything else belongs to the brilliant J.K. Rowling. "I think I love you" belongs to David Cassidy and Me First and The Gimme Gimmes.**

**Author's Note: This is just a little something I came up with one day. It's strictly a one-shot for now. I don't plan on continuing it. It's written from Lily's prospective and takes place during her and James' engagement.**

**I Think I Love You**

**By: UnreadLetters**

"_Well there's a secret I've been perfecting." - Taking Back Sunday_

We had been friends for a few years. I remember when I first met him. He was the most annoying boy I had ever laid eyes on. Then he grew up and one day I started looking at him in a different light. He always was an attractive bloke. On some days just his presence could make me blush but on others he was just him. Just a friend.

He had dated a good friend of mine, Marlene McKinnon, on and off for a while and he was, after all, James' best friend. So it felt like he was always around. When James and I had started living together he was there almost every night. Then we all joined the Order together and because we all worked at the Ministry I saw him everyday.

He owled me sometimes when he had a problem and needed advice. He'd poke his head in my office every so often and tease me. If I saw him in one of the hallways he always lightly punched me on the shoulder and I would feign hurt and punch him back. He did that to most girls he was comfortable with, though.

When I talked to him he made me feel like I was the only one in the room. That's how he was with everyone. He was witty and happy go lucky and charming. But when he got angry, you had better watch out.

One time, after he and Marlene had just broken up, we were at the annual Ministry Christmas party. Marlene didn't want to go alone so Gideon Prewitt agreed to accompany her. He had said something to Marlene about Sirius being in a bad mood. Sirius had overheard and it took all the strength James had to hold him back. I sat on a bench with my arm around his shoulders for almost forty-five minutes trying to calm him down. Then he went to the Leaky Cauldron with James, Alice and Frank Longbottom and I and he was fine. Back to his old self. That's just the way he was though. The way he always had been.

When we were in school Alice always teased me about how he and I would end up together. I'd laugh her off and say I couldn't stand him. The teasing never stopped with Alice. Maybe she saw something I didn't. Every once in a while when I was mad at James and wound up sleeping on Alice and Frank's couch she always reminded me of her prediction. I'd laugh her off and remind her that he was like a brother to me. Plus I could never do that to James and Marlene. He was my friend. That's all he was to me. He was a comrade, a companion, a pal, a buddy.

One day, I passed him in the Atrium and we did our usual ritual. He was about to walk away when I stopped him.

"What are you doing tonight?"

I blurted out.

He shrugged his shoulders.

"I've got to check on something for work and then probably going home. Why?"

"Frank, Alice, James and I are all going out to dinner tonight. Do you want to come?"

"Sure. I might not be able to though. I've gotta see how long this Auror thing takes."

"Oh okay."

A clock chimed in the distance.

"Well, maybe we'll see you there."

"Maybe. Bye Lily."

"Bye."

I don't know why I invited him. That dinner was supposed to "couples only." I don't know where the urge to invite him came from. Half of me said that he was our friend too and he should've been invited. He was always the exception to the couples rule. The other half of me said that I wanted him there. I liked when he was around. I liked talking to him. I liked being in his presence.

He didn't show up to dinner but popped his head into my office the next day.

"Sorry about last night."

"That's fine. No big deal."

"To be honest I forgot all about it then I got home and was like 'Oh shite. I was supposed to go out with Lily tonight.'"

He offered me an apologetic smile.

"It's fine. Really."

He looked at his watch.

"Well I better head back. See you around."

I waved absentmindedly as he pushed himself out of the doorway and whistled down the hall.

"Sirius told me that you invited him to dinner last night."

James said later that evening.

"Yeah I did. He never gets out of the house anymore. I thought it'd be good for him."

James looked thoughtful for a moment.

"That's a good idea. Maybe I'll invite him over tomorrow."

"Okay sure."

"We have to work late though."

"That's fine. It'll give me more time to make something."

He smiled and patted my hand lightly.

I was rushing around the kitchen adding last minute touches to the dinner, which I made the Muggle way, when the front door burst open and loud jovial laughter rang throughout the house.

I could hear James' voice all the way down the hall.

"And then she says 'I thought it was a hippogriff!"

Sirius' laughter continued in a hearty manner and he was still chuckling when they walk into the kitchen. James came over to me and hugged me around the waste. I returned the gesture as I was watching Sirius out of the corner of my eye. He sat down and leaned the chair back.

"Smashing job, Lil."

He said as he brought the chair softly back on all its feet.

"The things I do for you two."

I responded as James took a seat next to him.

Dinner that evening is a pleasant affair and full of conversation. I always felt proud of them when they told me about Auror training and the things they were doing for the Order. Mainly I brewed anecdotes and performed healing spells so I liked listening to their stories. When dinner was over they both volunteered to do the dishes but argued over who got to dry. I stayed in my chair and watched them with laughter filling my eyes.

We all drank a cup of coffee and then James and I walked Sirius to the door. Before he turned the knob he looked straight into my eyes.

"Lil, can I talk to you for a minute?"

I was so stunned at his formality that I looked at James who nodded as if he knew what Sirius was going to say.

"Yeah sure."

He opened the door and I silently followed him outside. It was a cool night and I shivered slightly. He handed me his jacket and I gratefully put it on.

"So what did you want to talk about?"

"My mother died yesterday."

He said bluntly.

"Oh. Sirius I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Spite was the only thing keeping her alive, anyway."

"Are you upset?"

He chuckled harshly.

"I have no idea."

"How'd you find out?"

"There was an blip in the Daily Prophet."

"I gave up on reading the obituaries a long time ago."

"I can't."

A breeze blew by and all of the sudden I felt anxious and unsure of myself. He seemed to sense my tenseness and softened his face.

"I'd better go. Thanks for dinner, Lily."

I handed him back his jacket.

"It was no trouble at all."

I watched him as he walked down the stairs and stopped him when he got to the bottom.

"Sirius, you know that if you ever need anything I'm here."

He nodded.

"Yeah I know."

He waved as he made his way down the street. He disappeared behind a tree and I heard the familiar pop that told me he was gone. I looked down at the engagement ring on my finger and felt guilty.

I went to bed early and must've fallen asleep right away. I woke up with a start and before I could comprehend anything I was sitting up and a phrase was trickling out of my mouth.

"I think I love you."

I heard a chuckle next to me and my eyes began adjusting to the light.

"I know, Lils. I love you too."

James said as he put an arm around me. I nodded slowly and laid back down.

James read for another hour or so until he finally turned the light off. He laid down and once again put his arm around me. I waited until I knew he was fully asleep before I snapped my eyes open. His breathing was slow and calm but far from comforting. I looked at the arm around me and it didn't look right. I closed my eyes for half a second and the arm turned lightly tanned, rugged, and muscular. My eyes snapped open again and James snored lightly. I had almost forgotten he was there. When I closed my eyes again I saw Sirius' face. I refused to close them again.

"I think I love you."

I whispered to no one.

Then all of a sudden Sirius' voice was resonating in my ear.

"Yeah I know."

I jumped out of bed, thankfully without waking James. I spent the whole night pacing the hallway. By the time the sun came up I vowed to never do anything about it. I only kept two vows in my life; the vow I made to James the day I married him and the vow I made that night.

**The End.**

**--UnreadLetters**


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